I realise that I am not supposed to say this, but I wonder whether or not at times those of us who are clergy or ministers actually can turn ministry into a form of idolatry.

I know stand back in horror. But could it be that for some of us ministry becomes more important than the one we are supposed to be serving? The problem is ministry can be a despotic deity, demanding everything.

Many moons ago, I worked as an Evangelist for the London City Mission. One of my colleagues, David (now also an Anglican priest) talked about how for him one of the hardest lessons to learn was that preaching could be an idol. I think, given that I was only 19 at the time, I dismissed this. However, now when a child waves a cheery ‘hello Rev Kev’ as he or she goes past; I realise that any form of ministry can become more important than the gospel, or even of God.

Now, I know on one level the ‘hello’ is evidence of the good work I am doing in schools, and when teenagers call out ‘Rev Kev’ then that is a far better alternative than just being ignored. I realise when having done a good funeral, people say ‘vicar, if there were more like you, we would come to church’ is just having done a good job. But there is part of me that draws far too much self-esteem from such things than I should.

Ministry can be a two-eyed monster; and if we are not careful. No, let me rephrase this; if I am not careful it could become an idol that takes the place of my God.

The saddest bit of all is that would mean I would be robbing myself of the possibility of being fully alive.

There, I knew it would be a hard thing to say…