Hannah

Reading: 1 Samuel 1

How long O lord will you abandon me for ever? When will you visit me with your grace. Day after day these words and other like them fell from my lips. God had chosen not to bless me. The fact that my husband Elkanah is good, gracious, and loving to me did not take away my sense of shame. The fact that he loved me more than he loved Peninnah made my pain bearable at times, but also provoked his other wife as she paraded her sons and daughters in front of me. God who had closed my womb had clearly opened hers. Looking back, Peninnah did not flaunt the fruit of her union with my husband and her husband as much as I thought. Barrenness is though always hard edged and can lead to darkness beyond lament.

I went up to the House of the Lord regularly pouring out every fibre of my being as I pleaded for a child. The priest of the shrine, Eli, thought I looked drunk. In fairness to him, others believed me to be mad. Your great pain is driving your mad, they would say. Do not let it control you. God has blessed you in other ways. It was true I had a fine husband who treated me like a queen, but that which I longed for had not come. So, I begged, cried, and yearned for something more.

Then somehow the old priest saw through my tears and sent me home with his assurance that the God of Israel had heard my prayers. Sure, enough he did, I fell pregnant by Elkanah and gave birth to a son. How my world was complete. God had given me all I wanted and yet I in turn had promised to give him a way. Samuel would be a Nazarite. After he is weaned, he would be taken to the House of the Lord to serve. Weaning happens within our culture anytime between the ages of 3 and 4. It is the time when we are almost certain that survival is guaranteed.  My husband supported my decision, but it left Peninnah bewildered

Her question of why I would give up what was most precious was a good one. I had to. It was inevitable, a debt of honour. I watched Sammy grow strong and become a prophet of the Lord. He crowned a king. I love my boy. It was hard to give him up. I wanted him so much. As I returned home leaving with him Eli, it was almost like a sword pierced my heart. And yet, I rejoice in what he has become.