Everything to do with my brother shocked me to the core. This most of all. Indeed, it is almost unbelievable.

Of course, we knew some of the stories and scandals that surrounded his birth, but our parents kept lots of details from us, and to be fair so did he. He was not a dreamer who lorded it over his brothers. He was humble and disciplined. I never heard him complain as he worked alongside our father. Jesus could graft. He immersed himself in the traditions of our people, and I thought he might be destined to be a professional rabbi. Then, when dad died, everything changed for him and for us. Not initially, he took care of mum and all of us. No one could have done it better. Looking back, I was a bit of a pain of a younger brother. In Nazareth, we had to take work from anywhere, and he worked sometimes for the Romans. But we all did.

We heard that our cousin John was baptising people in the river Jordan. Jesus told mum that he had to go to be baptised. He used his well-worn phrase. ‘I must be about my father’s business’. I am not sure I ever knew what he meant. Mum cried when he left. I thought he would be back after being baptised, but then I heard he had headed over into the wilderness. It was a while before we received news of his whereabouts. He begun to preach and teach in Capernaum and had gathered some followers behind him. We heard rumours of miracles and of confrontations with the elders of our people. I confronted him along with my brothers. We said some things to him that we regret. If the truth be told, I regretted them as soon as the words departed from my mouth. What sibling does not say things about a brother in haste. Jesus never responded.

Mum went with him. She knew. Had I known would I have gone with him. Perhaps not. I kept myself informed at a distance. Through our family connections in the Temple, I knew he was destined for trouble. I made up my mind to go to the feast. I had heard about him riding into the holy city on a donkey and clearing out the Temple. Jesus had always been single minded about the holy place being for worship. I was surprised that it all ended so quickly. I arrived in the city on the night he was arrested. I could not see him or mum. She was being looked after. I was glad of that. I could not bring myself to go to see him crucified. I heard that he had entrusted our mum to another as he died. That hurt. I saw her briefly on the sabbath. Things were not broken between us, but she needed the care of his followers.

I was to leave Jerusalem on the Sunday. The news about the empty tomb spread quickly. I wanted to challenge Simon and the others. But I saw their brokenness. As I was putting my belongings together in an old bag. One he had given me, Jesus was there. ‘Peace, Jacob,’ he said. I wanted to embrace him but fell to my knees. It was a lot to process. My brother was the Lord of glory. Then he was gone. I never really left Jerusalem but was with those who had trusted him from the beginning. I should have done so. I smiled as I remembered learning how to shape wood with him. I continue to learn from him now.